The A-Team, now with more Iraq

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem. If no one else can help. And if you can find them. Maybe you can hire... The A-Team.

All the rave in 52 countries!

The Fourth Corner has truly reached all four corners of the globe. We're now streaming live in 52 countries across the world, bridging differences and making world peace a real possibility from Saudi Arabia to Bangladesh, and Norway to New Zealand. Why, we've even been viewed in Haiti despite their devastating earthquake.

But there remains one place on this globe that doesn't support world peace and shields its eyes from the bright beacon of truth that is the Fourth Corner. That place is Delaware, USA.

The Fourth Corner is about to turn one in March, and we're dedicated to putting all 50 states on the map before that happens. That's why we're putting out an all-call to all the Fourth Corner followers out there. Do you know someone in Delaware? If you do, tell them what's at stake: world peace.

The web team here would also like to apologize for last week's lapse on including pictures of cats on the site. A holy pact with our viewers was broken, even when through the lens of sarcasm we put a picture of Abe and a cat online. Our apologies.

But for now! Go fourth! To Delaware!

Dr. Breedlove to unveil Apple's tablet at State of the Union following the Toyata Recall

Yes, according to Google Trends, this headline should be the most popular search item of the past few seconds prior to posting. Google Trends monitors what the world wants to know, and what the world wants to know right now. The list changes dramatically over the course of seconds, minutes and hours as each day unfolds. However, over time statistics can be drawn from the ever-changing trends. For instance, Google's most searched term of 2009? The word "Twitter." The fastest falling (increasingly less-searched) term of 2009? "John McCain."

As for now, 2010 remains a mess of words, and today is no different. The world awaits two announcements today: Steve Jobs on the release of Apple's new tablet, and Barack Obama on the State of the Union. People are also pretty curious about Dr. Breedlove, who is, as far as I can tell, a psychologist who deals with transsexual mental problems.

As diverse as the human race may be, we all go to the same key words when we have a similar problem. Google.org, the altruistic side of the search giant, realized this and partnered with the CDC to track the spread of the flu. In areas where people searched for "H1N1" there were higher instances of the disease (when considering internet access, etc). As Google puts it:

We have found a close relationship between how many people search for flu-related topics and how many people actually have flu symptoms. Of course, not every person who searches for "flu" is actually sick, but a pattern emerges when all the flu-related search queries are added together. We compared our query counts with traditional flu surveillance systems and found that many search queries tend to be popular exactly when flu season is happening. By counting how often we see these search queries, we can estimate how much flu is circulating in different countries and regions around the world. Our results have been published in the journal Nature.

So, while Dr. Breedlove might not provide vaccines to H1N1 or know the cure for AIDS, every search for him (or her?) paints a clearer picture of who we are as a nation, what our preferences are, and what's going on around the world. Now if he would only show us that Apple tablet...

Did you hear the one about the 85 million Iraq spent on fake bomb detecting equipment?

As news of another coordinated bomb attack comes on the day Ba'athist Chemical Ali is killed, Americans and Iraqis alike are wondering how insurgents can continue to outsmart millions in training and bomb detecting equipment.

The answer? Very, very easily.

The Iraqi government recently spent $85 million dollars on the latest evolution in bomb detecting equipment. The British manufactured ADE 651 consists of a black plastic handle, a radio-styled antenna, and requires no battery or energy source whatsoever beyond the static electricity generated by soldiers shuffling their feet on the ground. Really. Millions watched an Iraqi shuffling his feet to generate the static electricity on CBS' Nightly News last night.

The trouble is, the device is a total, total hoax. Adding insult to injury, Iraqis paid about $60,000 for each device in a no-bid contract, though the manufacturer normally sells them for $18,500. According to the New York Times, five to eight bomb-sniffing dogs could be purchased for the price Iraqis paid for one ADE 651.

The story, originally reported by the BBC, is exploding across papers and has led to an export restriction of the device by Britain and an arrest of its manufacturer, parent company-ATSC's Jim McCormick. The export restriction initially angered Iraqi soldiers who claim the device works. Major General Jehad al-Jabiri, head of the Ministry of the Interior’s General Directorate for Combating Explosives, told the New York Times “Whether it’s magic or scientific, what I care about is it detects bombs.”

In the face of increasing evidence to the contrary, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki launched a probe into the reliability of the bomb detecting equipment this morning. Let's hope he uses something a bit more reliable to uncover the truth.

Certainly the only thing more entertaining (and tragic) than this story, is the ADE 651's promotional video. Let's all hope Mr. McCormick gets his just desserts.

Plans this weekend?

It's never too early to make plans for this weekend. Why not pack on seven-and-a-half pounds by taking on Chick and Ruth's six pound milkshake and one-and-a-half-pound deli sandwich challenge out in Annapolis, Maryland?

We did. Join us on our Year of Weekends.

National debt ceiling to go up by how much?

We hear at the Fourth Corner have been playing a lot of SimCity lately, and if there is one thing that will knock your city off the top perch, it's spending too much money. Yes, putting in the Mayor's house and putting in those dozen sport stadiums sounded like a good idea at the time, but now Godzilla is stomping through your commercial district and your police department is on strike and won't even bother to stop him.

That's why it's a little unnerving that the Senate--both Republicans and Democrats (despite what each says)--want to increase the American debt ceiling to $14 trillion dollars. They're worried, and rightfully so, that if they don't bump up the debt ceiling that Uncle Sam will default on his loans by October, meaning they want to be able to take out more loans to pay for the debt we've already created.

$14 trillion alone is a hard pill to swallow. If every American opened up their wallets to pay that debt off, we'd each be out $47,000.00, including children. Considering the average American makes $45,000.00 dollars a year, our spending is outpacing our earnings. On a national scale, our GDP was $14.27 trillion dollars. In fiscal terms, that means we're more than broke, unless we can all live on $2,000.00 a year (about $5.00 a day).

The good news (we guess) is that most of that debt is foreign owned. And if push came to shove and Godzilla--I mean China--started storming around demanding we cash out, then we could just not pay him. Sure, sure, it's not the best fiscal policy around, but China doesn't play nice either, which is why their currency is artificially overinflated by 60% despite global protests.

The other good news is that a $5.00 a day budget is still pretty decent. Half the world lives on just $2.50.

Photo CATion Contest - Jan 21

Guess what everybody!?! It's this week's photo CATion Contest. Congrats to last week's winner, Darren, who is going to war to defend our right to photoshop images of men and cats this week. I hear he'll be stationed in CATbul, the capital of AfCATistan.

Fact: there are 93,000,000 million photos of cats on the internet. But there is only one photo of Abe AND a cat.


Cation:

- Abe later moved back to Ohio where his love of Fluffy would not be judged so harshly.

The Crayola Conspiracy: Crayon colors, unhappiness, doubling every 28 years

It began with eight colors. When we were children, the red and blue and black evolved slowly into magenta and cobalt and midnight grey. The box got bigger. Then a crayon sharpener was added to the deluxe boxes. Yes, the number of colors in a Crayola crayon box is a benchmark for measuring the finest traditions of capitalism: more is better.

Or is it? A Psychology Today report indicates that having too many choices inhibits and exhausts the decision-making parts of our brains. In some instances, it's even proven to downright dumb us down a bit. The results, achieved through a series of bizarre tests, indicate that having more choices slows down making the most basic decisions. This may sound obvious--more choices requires more time to make a decision--but the results are quite paralyzing.

Barry Schwartz, author of the book The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, argues that too many choices may be a hallmark of capitalism, but it's not a hallmark of either happiness or productivity. Faced with choice overload, people typically respond in one of three ways, Schwartz says. We freeze and make no choice. We make the wrong choice. Or we make the right choice but question our decision. "Even though you have no reason to be displeased, you're just sure you could have done better," Schwartz told USA Today.

While this may not affect how many colors crayola puts out, it might explain why in the midst of two wars, multiple year-long deployments, and increased casualties, job satisfaction in the military remained at 86% from 2002-2006, according to the Military Times. Civilian workers showed the same level of satisfaction, though they weren't being shot at and were experiencing the most successful economic times in modern history. The difference may be that military personnel are provided only a set number of choices in their daily routine. Not so with the civilian sector where job mobility, commuting options, and geographic selection are up to the worker. Since the recession, civilian job satisfaction has slumped to 45% while job satisfaction in the armed forces has remained relatively steady.

This might also explain why when it comes to measuring gross national happiness, countries with the most wealth (and, by extension, the most choices) tend to flop: the tiny island nation of Vanuatu ranked number one in a recent survey, America ranked in the bottom 10.

The point of all this? It turns out less really is more when it comes to choice. Having a few varied choices is key, but selecting between midnight grey and black can be downright miserable. Best stick to the box of eight.

What brands does Kraft own? More than you'd think

In an age when mergers and acquisitions happen right in front of Justice's blindfolded face, company brand names are becoming increasingly meaningless.

Northwest Airlines is no longer Northwest Airlines. Instead its Delta, though you wouldn't know that by looking at its website.

General Electric owns NBC and Telemundo. They also make tanks.

And in one of the most recent deals underway, an even larger portion of what you eat will now be controlled by one woman: Irene Rosenfeld. She runs Kraft Foods, who recently bid to takeover Cadbury. If the deal goes through, Irene will control the following brands:

• Oscar Mayer
• Philadelphia Cheese
• Oreo
• Maxwell House
• Nabisco
• A1 Steak Sauce
• Capri-Sun
• Ritz
• Chips Ahoy
• California Pizza Kitchen
• Crystal Light
• Cracker Barrel
• Honey Maid
• Jell-O
• Kool-Aid
• Cool Whip
• Miracle Whip
• Newtons
• Nutter Butter
• Nilla
• Planters Peanuts
• Premium Saltine Crackers
• South Beach Living
• Stove Top
• Tang
• Toblerone
• Tombstone Pizza
• Triscuit
• Velveeta
  
• Wheat Thins

Actually, Irene already controls all those brands. This is the quick list of the Cadbury brands she'd be taking over:

• Dentyne gum
• Halls Medicine
• Cadbury
• Bubaloo
• Stimorol
• Trident gum
• Sour Patch Kids
• Stride gum
• Swedish Fish
• Bubblicious
• Certs Mints
• Clorets gum
• Mentos

All told, you'd be hard pressed to eat a chip or chew a piece of gum that Kraft food doesn't make. How the two businesses are related, I'm not sure, but then again, I'm not sure what NBC has to do with manufacturing military equipment either.

Thankfully, there is still one company out there that isn't afraid to admit it makes nearly anything: Yamaha. It's a mystery why Yamaha makes everything from motorcycles and pianos, but at least its honest about it.

Out of office message response

The Fourth Corner has temporarily relocated to Maui.

Our apologies to our listeners but it got too damned cold on the continental United States and so we've closed down our flagship office and made a move to more tropical climes.

Yesterday it was a balmy 80, the waves were the best they've been in decades, and the ladies were, well, they weren't wearing down jackets.

Back next week.

Sign of the Apocalypse: Raining Lizards

While the mid-west is registering windchills of -52 degrees this week, another sunnier clime is also suffering.

Not even Florida--the southernmost state in the contiguous US--has escaped the freeze, and neither has its wildlife. While oranges are freezing on the trees, there is another less-likely victim of the 30 degree temperatures: iguanas.

The cold-blooded creatures are getting so cold that they're literally falling out of the trees. The reptiles become immobilized and lose their grip when the temperatures dip below 40, according to the Washington Post. With temperatures expected to dip into the 20s in Florida this week, it could be raining iguanas.

Animal-lovers fear not though. The sub-freezing temperatures don't kill the lizards. Instead it just puts them in suspended animation. When warmer climes return to the Sunshine State, the lizards wake up and go back to what they were doing when they were frozen. On these cold winter that's something we'd all like to do.

Raining reptiles and amphibians was previously witnessed in Japan and listed on the Fourth Corner as a sign of the apocalypse. That's twice in less than a year. Prepare for rapture.

But before you head to church to absolve all those new year's sins, why not witness this sign of the apocalypse yourself? The nations' cold snap is predicted to end in a week, so book your plane tickets now, watch out for grumpy lizards, and follow us on another Year of Weekends.

Photo Caption Contest - Jan 07

In honor of the man himself, this week's photo caption contest is dedicated to Darren, for not only deploying to Afghanistan in a few weeks (ladies, he's available), but also for being one badass bungee jumpin', freedom defendin', motha'. So exercise that freedom of speech and help the Fourth Corner mock our stand-up man.



Beat this caption:

"Awww, snap!"

Also, congrats to Abe for pure caption quantity in the last photo caption contest. A new Year of Weekends will be out tomorrow! See you then!

In defense of the Hollywood remake

As all bloggers, writers, and creative people know, these days there is no such thing as a good blogger, writer or creative person. If there were, Hollywood would be experiencing a renaissance, using groundbreaking special effects and half-billion dollar budgets (the highest ever) to tell stories that so acutely describe the human condition that audiences would hug their loved ones tighter, laugh from the depths of their stomach, and cry as their hearts were broken on screen.

Instead, we get Alvin and the Chimpmunks, the Squeakuel.

Since the writer's strike in 2007-2008 in Hollywood, and certainly a little earlier, the movie industry has designed some brilliant methods to eliminate writing from the industry, focusing on reality TV programs or live stand-up, or--and here is the real killer--the Hollywood remake.

As a writer, I'm inclined to see only the doom and gloom of this. Indeed, the Hollywood remake truly had its decade in the aughts, and the trend shows no sign of stopping (check out this list of slated Hollywood remakes) in the tens. But Broadway plays and theater have made billions off of the same script acted by different players. Phantom of the Opera has had over 9,000 runs, but we never accuse Broadway of being unoriginal (Lion King excepted). Why do we have separate standards for Hollywood?

Part of the curse of modern-day Hollywood is that we finally have enough film history to produce remakes. Before the past twenty years, not enough time had passed, and not enough actual film history existed to remake a movie. Now, like pop-culture fashion--another mid-twentieth century product, we as a culture have created enough material that we can start to play with our old tastes, and make nuanced changes to create a new fashion. The same is true with pop-culture in general: GI Joe, Star Trek, etc. Renaissance it may not be, but it's certainly not a regression.

Movies born out of previously successful movies--sequels, prequels, spin-offs, adaptations--are another bane of the movie critics. God did not intend for their to be an Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel, but lo, there it is. Enough have happened that Casablanca 2 wouldn't shock most audiences. Indiana Jones 4, the Matrix sequels, the Lord of the Rings adaptations, all born out of previously existing characters, and as such, are considered lesser art?

Ancient history would say no. Greek tragedies--often the rubric for quality theater--often used the characters from previous plays to tell a new story. It's a simple, cheap and effective technique: the audience already knows the character, his back story, his wants and desires; they already know if he will be the hero or the villain and so the plot can progress with minimal character development. Many were built-in sequels. Agamemnon appears in at least six plays, almost all of which revolve around the well-worn tale of the Trojan war. As for reality TV, the Greeks and Romans fed Christians to lions. What is The Apprentice but an extension of that theme?

The truth is, these days Hollywood can afford the remake. To hear a tale told again, or hear popular characters suffer through another set of circumstances isn't the death of the motion picture. It's a sign of strength. It makes the industry money, and that money allows the Hollywood machine to churn out more movies than ever before. Original art is there, it's just buried underneath the flag-burning attention remakes get. Consider this: IMDB shows 27,456 movies were released in the USA in 2008. In 1942--the year Casablanca hit the silver screen-- that number was 2,063.

So, tragically, it appears good writing, blogging, and creativity does still exist, and has more outlets for expression than ever. What we as consumers choose to do with that all this new material is entirely up to us. I for one, plan on passing on the remakes and going for the newer stuff. At least until I'm ready to cuddle up with an old story I've heard before, but remade with more explosions and CGI.

A movie I won't be seeing:

Woman craves sex all day every day in a freak accident

Those quirky British tabloids have picked up on one of the most peculiar stories of the decade: a British woman's pelvic nerve was struck in a 2007 car accident leaving her constantly sexually aroused. The damaged nerve was effectively left switched on.

The condition is known as Restless Genital Syndrome or Persistent Sexual Arousal.

As amusing as the condition may sound, Joleen Baughman, assures it's no laughing matter and has made her life miserable. "It's unbearable," she told the Mirror, "just my clothes rubbing gets me so aroused that I can hardly think straight."

The woman, married for 20 years, claims she can find no relief. "We'd have sex once and I'd feel no release at all."

"So we'd go again and then it would start really hurting but I would still want sex, even more than before.

"If my husband managed to go for a third time it would be agony but I would still feel no release."