Obama surprised to find Kumar on staff

In a strange turn of events over the weekend, the Obama administration realized it had accidentally hired Kal Penn, the actor who portrayed Kumar in the "Harold and Kumar" movies, when the actor announced he was quitting the administration.

"We didn't realize how hard Mr. Penn had been at work," explained a concerned Robert Gibbs to a crowded briefing room. Reports indicate that in his short tenure with the administration, Penn may have been the first politician to successfully negotiate a peace treaty with North Korea.

Shortly after the election, a swarm of Hollywood stars approached the administration requesting positions on the popular presidents staff. Many of the hiring decisions were delegated to junior members of the administration owing to the load of applicants. Documents obtained following a Freedom of Information request by the Fourth Corner reveal Mr. Paul Dixon, an unpaid intern, was responsible for hiring Kal Penn.

"I was working late and I saw this application for Kal Penn. I'm like, 'where have I heard that name?' and them I'm like, 'fucking Kumar! No fucking way!' So I called him up and said I'd find a job for him."

Mr. Dixon, who was responsible for staffing senior levels of foreign policy advisers, explains that there was only one position available by the time he reached Penn's application, that of senior policy director for North Korean relations. "It was the perfect job though. I know Kim Jong Il loves fucking Hollywood right, and if fucking Kumar couldn't make that guy laugh, then North Korea was fucked anyway."

In explaining his exit from the sensitive position, Penn stated, "I'd done all I could. I set up five-party talks with regional actors, excluding Japan after careful deliberations because of sensitivities over previous conflicts and highlighted that North Korea's 'Juche' policy applied to both sides of the peninsula, and parts of China as well.

"I carefully explained that to Mr. Il and he was receptive to it. He's really a very logical guy if you speak to him rationally," Penn stated. "Really, this is all pretty easy stuff. I got bored. I wanted the challenge of acting again, and was offered a lead role in a new Harold and Kumar movie, so I jumped at the opportunity."

When asked why no one knew about either the impending peace agreement Penn had brokered with North Korea, ending the half-century long war with the rogue nation, or that Penn worked in the White House, he simply said, "I'm Kumar. Would you believe me if I told you I worked here? The treaty has been on President Obama's desk for a week. I tried calling [Chief of Staff] Immanuel to tell him about it, but whenever I called he just kept asking if I wanted to take the Presidential Limo to go to White Castle."