Obama appoints Easter Bunny Czar

Today in Maine, President Obama announced the creation of a cabinet-level Easter Bunny Czar, in an effort to increase Easter egg accountability. "Now I know America. I know that lately eggs have been hard to find. Maybe they're behind that bush, or hidden inside that planter. Today, that changes, America!"

The speech came as the country entered the Easter holiday weekend. Conservatives immediately snapped back at the announcement. Pundit Rush Limbaugh said on his radio talk show that this was more "government takeover" of a private holiday. "Do you want the government telling you where you can or cannot hide your Easter Eggs? I'm hopping mad about this one, America, and you should be, too."

White house spokesman Robert Gibbs was quick to defend the President's new policy, however. "Recently there have been a lot of questions about the Easter Bunny's activities. Where is he getting eggs, for instance? Why is he hiding them in such difficult-to-find locations? These are questions that the czar will be able to answer for us."

Analysts at the Washington, DC, think-tank Economic Policies for America tie the new position to the 2008 and 2009 Easter holidays. "The nation was experiencing high rates of unemployment. 1 in 10 Americans were without a job, the stock market was floundering, states were going bankrupt, and there was a huge credit freeze in the banks, but somehow this bunny managed to buy millions of eggs, color them, distribute them, and occasionally fill them with candy? That's a pretty big operation," said policy expert John Weisenbach.

Republicans in Congress complained that Obama was flip-flopping on his policies, referring to conservative efforts last December to launch a Senate investigation to subpoena Santa Claus' financial records, which was stymied by the White House. "Where was this concern for oversight when Santa Claus was trespassing into the homes of millions of Americans at night and leaving behind potentially lethal gifts? That includes the White House by the way. That's a serious national security issue, not to mention a tax issue--were those gifts under the table? Did Obama violate ethics rules by accepting the gifts even though he didn't ask for that Tyco Racing Car? Where are Santa's W2s or import tax records? We're not opposed to a Bunny Czar, but not before we regulate a foreign-born sleuthing red menace."

"I know about the Santa Claus issue," Gibbs said when confronted with the allegations. "We're looking into appointing a Santa Czar later in the year, but right now America wants action. There are health issues, financial issues and security issues that have to be handled immediately, and that's what this czar will be responsible for."