In a stunning turn of events following a relatively smooth election in Iraq, the Iraqi Parliament has voted to return to violent blood civil war. The decision was largely led by Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki who was disappointed to find out the young democracy didn't vote him in a second term.
"If I can't be prime minister, then what's the point in having a representative government?" Mr. Maliki explained to reporters. "Fuck it!"
The announcement comes after a special electoral court tossed out 52 candidates in the recent election for their ties to the Ba'ath Party. The special electoral panel--chaired by Ahmed Chalabia former deputy prime minister and one of the lead proponents of the 2003 invasion of Iraq (based on faulty intelligence he provided)--explained that they only removed the 52 candidates when they realized that fledgling democracy was actually working.
"We became concerned that other people wanted to be in charge," Chalabi explained, "that was most unsettling."
A second member of the panel provided a separate response. "I mean, are we really ready to have a new government? I'm just not sure we've settled this whole Sunni Shitte thing yet."
Prime Minister Maliki, who stands to benefit the most from the disqualification of the 52 candidates, said he was pleased with the panel's decision and hopes that the country spirals "into total fucking chaos if I can't be in charge."
General Odierno, the commander for US forces in Iraq, released a short statement regarding the panel's decision. "God dammit," the four-star general said. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."
Haha, awesome. Looks like I might be called back from the IIR after all. To quote the good General; "god dammit. dammit dammit dammit."
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