Research released this week shows that women have to work out more than previously thought to keep that weight off, pissing off women everywhere. The 13-year Harvard study of tens of thousands of women shows that only those who worked out seven hours a week shed pounds, far more than the government advised 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week.
"Are you fucking serious?" said Joanna Lyttle from her treadmill at the local YMCA. "God fucking dammit!"
The study went on to explain the importance of keeping weight off, especially from the age of 25-55 when the average woman puts on a pound and a half a year.
"What about guys? What the fuck do they do? Oh right. Jack shit," Lyttle went on to say. "We give birth. We menstruate. And now thanks to fucking women's lib, we have to work, too. And now this. Swear to god. I wish I was a fucking dude."
In related news, psychiatrist Louanne Brizendine recently defended the male desire to look at women's breasts in her new book "The Male Brain", giving tacit permission to men everywhere to stare at the luscious lady parts.
"Really? Who is this bitch?" said Lyttle between sit-ups.
Dude. That means that if a woman weighs 150lbs at 25yrs old, she's average if she grows to be 195lbs at 55?!
ReplyDeleteHopefully they have a shot for that by then b/c there is No Way I'm exercising 7hrs each week!
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteWhat about peeing standing up? That would be a deal breaker for me right there.
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