Local man's birthday overshadowed by President's

A local man was disappointed to find out he shared a birthday with President Barack Obama, a coincidence which will likely overshadow his birthday celebrations for the next seven years.

"Well a couple of my buddies and I went and got beers," says Rob. "And then I got home and found out that BP shut off the leak in the Gulf, someone tried to assassinate President Ahmedinijad--all for the President's big day--and now he's flying to Chicago for his birthday where he has a house. I didn't even know he HAD two houses. It's depressing."

Rob's statement wasn't entirely accurate. Obama will also be having a heavily catered lunch with some of the most powerful men in the world, his friends, at his other home, the White House, which is one of the most vaunted homes in all the world. It even has a pool.

"Wish I had a pool," said Rob, slumped on the sofa he bought off Craig's List.

However, that also wasn't the full story on Obama's birthday plans. While he flies off to Chicago, his wife and daughter have been spirited away to one of Spain's most exclusive resorts so he could have some down time. The trip was likely financed by the five million dollar payout Barack received from his autobiography.

"I have drill this weekend," explained Rob, popping open another beer. "FML."

One million people also signed a birthday card for the President, wishing him all the best.

"Twelve friends wished me happy birthday on Facebook. And I got a someecard.

People really, really like Barack Obama.

"You know," Rob said, setting down his beer. "Fuck this. My life is pretty good, Okay? I've got good friends. I've got my health. I don't need to notify the Secret Service any time I want to go for a run. My family is awesome. No one thinks I'm a Muslim terrorist. And the other day I found five bucks in my pocket that I thought I'd lost. So yeah, he's got POTUS, and millions of dollars and fans, and I have to call him sir, but fuck that, it's good being me. And you know what, I've got my birth certificate, too. Now if you don't mind, I've got a beer to finish."

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