I picked up the paper this morning to find Tiger Wood's mug on the front page with the headline "We're All Ears." Apparently, el Tigre is going to apologize to the world for sleeping around on his wife.
To Tiger I say this: don't.
First, I could give a shit who you slept with. The rest of the world should also give a shit who you slept with. Indeed, the only people that should care is you and your wife, and the litany of other chicks you banged out with. America, pay attention to something else. Like Afghanistan. Or the fact that people now think it's cool to fly planes into buildings. Or Haiti. Remember Haiti?
Or if you're inclined to keep your TV tuned to sports, why not try the winter Olympics? If you're upset with the moral corruptibility of the game of golf, try curling, or speed skating, or ice dancing. With a one-two combination of Canada and sports that almost are exclusively watched and played by well to-do white people, the Winter Olympics is the lactose-free milk of sports: it won't upset anyone.
Prior to the Tiger Woods scandal, I suppose most people would have said that about golf, but golf with it's balls and sticks and tropical, sweaty climate (invented by guys in kilts) was begging for some sex scandal. Winter sports lacks the most basic of human interaction as most sports there are solo events played by people bundled up in layers of clothes. Plus golf is boring.
More importantly, why does America need a great golfer to be a moral beacon? Would this coverage be so grandiose if Tiger was a linebacker or basketball player or ultimate fighter or the best at some less "civilized" (read: pretentious) sport? I'd say it's a plus, sure, and Tiger really had us all going with how overwhelmingly boring he was, but so long as his infidelities don't happen on the green during the Pro Tournament (is that a golf thing?), who cares? I certainly don't. If we're looking to golf for our moral guidance, we're pretty fucked as it is.
But apparently that's where America IS looking, because here it is, on the front page. Not Afghanistan where it looks like Americans are winning for once (and getting the cooperation of Pakistan). Not the winter Olympics where world records are being smashed on a daily basis. Not on Haiti where 1 in 32 died last month and now flooding is coming. Not on the coup in Niger (okay, it's Africa, I may be asking too much). Not on the fact that the IAEA just said Iran really is going for nukes. Not on the friggin' nutwhack in Austin. Not on the economy which, FYI, is still in the pot. Not the fact (looking at you here Washington Post) that half of the stimulus dollars allocated to Washington, DC, went straight to a private company, Clark Construction, who cleared over 4.7 billion dollars in revenue during the worst year of the recession, 2008. I mean, really, Tiger Woods takes top billing? The media--"fourth branch of the government," "voice of the people"--has declared Tiger Woods as THE most important story of the day? Fuck.
So don't apologize Tiger. Not to the AP or to any camera. We really shouldn't care. Help us not care.
I have mixed feelings about this. Yes, there are important things going on elsewhere. But you ask, "More importantly, why does America need a great golfer to be a moral beacon?"
ReplyDeleteAmerica doesn't need a great golfer to be a moral beacon - but it does need moral beacons and they are increasingly hard to come by. In Tiger's case, his various sponsors and PR geniuses crafted an image of a wholesome family man who enjoyed tremendous success without falling victim to the ugly traps of celebrity. He seemed perfect and the public needed to believe that perfection was a possibility. Just like in Barack Obama's case, the people need to be reminded of the promise of the American Dream.
So what is terrible about Tiger's situation isn't that he had affairs - or even the truly absurd degree of his indiscretions - but instead that he shattered the trust of a public that was gullible enough to believe his lies. I think it was compounded by how stark the contrast was between his personalities.
The reason people still care is because, collectively, we are trying to understand how, in a society that has taught us time and again not to trust anyone, we could be so easily had.
I keep hearing the argument that we shouldn't have expected so much from Tiger, but all that matters is that we did.
Anyway, I think Tiger's abuse of the fanbase that made him so rich is enough to banish him forever. He should be on his knees begging for our forgiveness, but not as a method of professional redemption.
Rob, great article. I wanted to share what was on the Seattle Times this morning.
ReplyDeleteAbove the fold front: Everything on the table" for Obama's deficit panel.
Economy: Seattle Times and Rob: 1
Left panel: The results from the previous day of Winter Olympics, who won, who was an upset etc.
Winter Olympics: Seattle times and Rob: 2
Below the fold, bottom: Monroe to DC; WAKE UP! (Talking about Monroe, Washington..not Travis Monroe.)In regards to the failing economy.
Local Economics: Seattle Times and Rob: 3
Below the fold, left side: State Trooper sues man accused of shooting him. (for those of you who don't know - Seattle has lost 3 times the normal Police this year, in just one Month.
Local Issues: Seattle Times and Rob: 4
Below the fold, left side: Furious pilot flies into IRS building. Kills two, injuries 13.
People thinking it's ok to fly in to buildings: Seattle Times and Rob: 5
Below the fold, middle: Suit: School used its laptops to spy on Students at home.(which is kinda funny really)
Spying on Children: Seattle Times and Rob: 6
So the score seems to be Rob:6 and the Washington Post: 0
I think you need to move here, it seems the Seattle Times agrees with you, on what is News.
Oh damn, I wanted to mention the moral issues.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a dad, but I always looked up to mine, he is and always has been my hero. Why is it that our kids look up to Celebrities? Thats the real question here.
If you ask me, it's that kids don't make celebrities like Tiger Woods heros. We just think they do, because they're preoccupied with them.
I've never told my Dad that he's my hero and maybe thats why he thought the A-Team was mine. Good observation on his part, the A-Team is awesome and loves freedom... but not my true hero.