"Global warming is a myth-re blub-blub-blub" were Senator Joe Jackson's words as he drowned from the fallout of an unprecedented monsoon that struck Washington, DC, putting much of the Capitol underwater.Jackson had previously been opposed to any sort of nationwide carbon cutting plan stating that "SUVs are as essential to America as freedom. I don't give a damn that we're 5% of the world's population consuming 25% of its resources with reckless abandonment, that's America's right. Anyone who says differently is a socialist."
The deluge struck the US Capitol after weeks of ominous weather-related disasters struck much of the rest of the world. In China, severe rain storms led to the death of hundreds in massive landslides. In the waters off Indonesia, one of the fastest-recorded coral bleachings was underway due to an unprecedented seven degree increase in the water temperature. In Arkansas, over a dozen were killed in a rare flash flood. And in Pakistan, massive flooding has affected over 12 million people.
"There is no proof that our massive, historically unprecedented emission of warming greenhouse gases has anything to do with global warming-related weather phenomena. Maybe these are all signs from God that gays shouldn't marry, you probably didn't consider that did you?" Jackson said as he stumped against a comprehensive energy bill, shortly before drowning.
Water gathered around the Senator's ankles as he addressed the floor. "America cannot afford carbon cuts in the middle of a recession. More fuel efficient car regulations will hurt our economy ... but, ah, American people are also innovative and ah, can rise to any challenge."
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