Yesterday I walked to one of the four Starbucks in a three block radius of where I work (really) and took up Starbucks on their recent instant coffee, sorry--"microground Via"--challenge. I have this to report. It tastes slightly better than Folger's Instant Coffee. Slightly.
But this is bigger than just instant coffee. It started with the Caramel Machiatto, the unholy alliance of coffee and a quantity of sugar that could only be conceived in America. Then Starbucks moved onto the Egg McMuffin--sorry, the Saugage and English Muffin with Egg White, that costs twice as much as an English Muffin. Then the comfy chairs started disappearing. Baristas started shouting orders.
Starbucks' business model was fashioned along the same lines as McDonald's. McDonald's offered fast food, but the real revelation was that clean bathroom and a consistent experience. Starbucks built the third-location, the place that wasn't an office, but wasn't home either. A bar for the non-drinker, consistently placed in every city so regardless of where you were, there was your local hang out.
And that doesn't bother me. Go Starbucks. Do your thing. But everyone else, what's the point? The ambiance is gone. The coffee is burned. Everything on the Starbucks menu can be purchased at the equally ubiquitous McDonald's now for half the price.
And that, my friends, is what bothers me. Before Starbucks, there was a time when a cup of coffee could be purchased for under a dollar. Then Starbucks made it an experience. Poetry on paper cups. $1.50. Italian names. $2.00. I can buy a cappuccino in Italy for half the price of one served to me at the Starbucks across the street.
I just want coffee. But because of Starbucks I can't have coffee no matter where I go. Instead it's a venti or a grande. Instead it's not a cup of coffee, it's "Seattle's Roast Blend" and everyone knows they can charge as much as Starbucks because they've made it okay.
Well, the caffeine high has worn off, America. Rub your eyes and look around. We're getting duped. Go to McDonald's. Better, go to a cafe (if they still exist). The Via is the last straw.
I agree, Starbucks is ridiculous now. Five years ago in NYC someone could grab a bite and a cup of joe from any local vendor and now it's all about jolting yourself the fastest, most time-resistent path out there. It's like crack! And somehow people totally want to go to Starbucks because then people justify it as "cool"... please, maybe it's cocaine over crack but it's all the same stuff.
ReplyDeleteCalm donw America! Buy some freaking tea.