To the Fucker Who Broke Into My Car (Again)

Do you even know how to break into a car?  The first time you did it, you broke my rear window and didn't steal a goddamned thing.  You just cost me 250.00 to get a new window put in.  No one was watching, you could have stolen my GPS.  You could have stolen my iPod or the cash in my glove compartment.  But you didn't.  You smashed but did not grab.  You are a retard.

Then on Wednesday, you did it again.  You broke the rear window, but somehow managed to dent half my car door?  Car windows aren't that difficult to break, yet judging by the dents in my car, it took you at least three separate tries.  I'll admit, you did better this time.  At least you were considerate enough to steal my shit.  You stole my GPS.  You stole my iPod and my cash and my backpack, and then sorted through my glove compartment where you saw my VA membership and probably figured out that I'm a combat veteran and fuck I hope that made you feel bad.

But here's what I don't get.  You sorted through the mail in my back seat that had my bank account numbers, social security number, personal data, and you didn't even open any of the envelopes.  So, you smashed, you grabbed, yet you failed to really go for the financial jugular.

Not only that, but you went for my 1997 Honda Civic, when there was a 1010 Mercedes parked in front of me and a 2003 BMW parked behind me.  Both had leather interior.  Both looked chalk full of goodness.  I'm just saying, your targeting could use some refinement.

Oh, and I got you on videotape motherfucker!  Yes.  I did.  I'll be turning it over to the police this afternoon (and posting it on here), and god, I hope you get uncomfortably ass raped in prison.  There's a great bit where you sit down and sort through my backpack and pick out what you want to keep.  You know what I'm talking about, you did it on 16th street.

Oh fucktard, I hope you learn how to break into cars more efficiently in jail.  I hope you improve your trade to a respectable level.  Maybe in jail you can find a cheaper meth dealer so you won't have to break into my care more than once every two months.  Maybe you'll get shivved, if not with a large cock in your ass, then maybe a knife made from soap.

In the meantime, please know that you broke into a poor writer's car who served in a combat zone to defend your right to a fair trial.  Next time you're strapped for cash, ask for my help before you break into my car.  I'll unlock it for you, and show you how to get the most money for your efforts (you really can do a lot with bank statements and an internet connection available at your local library).

Until the police come knocking on your door, I hope you are cold, miserable, and unhappy.  I'd like to say you probably needed those things more than I did and so I forgive you.  But I won't.  You're an ass.  I hope you got mugged going home with my shit.