(Photo John Luke of Associated Press)Oscar Mayer, whose baloney shared the same name spelled O-S-C-A-R, died this week. He was 95. Decency died shortly thereafter when PETA asked that the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile be buried along with Mr. Mayer. Decency was three thousand years old.
"The Wienermobile travels around the country and entices children to try Oscar Mayer meats that can set them on the road to developing life-threatening illnesses," PETA explained to the LA Times. They then cited a Harvard study linking children's consumption of cured meat products to increased risk of developing leukemia. A similar study done by the same college also showed that people who join PETA suffer a near total risk of becoming an asshole.
PETA's flamboyant and shocking actions to defend animal rights have always threatened Decency in the past. "I think they're a bunch of nuts," Decency said in an interview late last year, "but nuts aren't bad, a lot of people like them." His burial is scheduled for Sunday.
It's unlikely PETA will get its wish. The iconic Oscar Mayer weinermobile may even play an integral role in Mr. Mayer's funeral: when George "Little Oscar" Mulchan died in 2005 the weinermobile led the procession, and mourners sang "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner" before blowing on their weiner shaped whistles and burying the 82 year old actor. It's likely Mr. Mayer will receive a similar farewell.
DOORSTEP DIARIES ALL NEXT WEEK. TUNE IN FOR MAYHEM, BOOBS.
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