Jesus, Mary, no Joseph

Over the past week a spate of Jesus and Virgin Mary sightings has occurred around the country, further evidence that the apocalypse is upon us, just like it was last week and the few weeks before that (see FEMA building concentration camps around the country and Islamic terrorists going nuclear in Pakistan).

 

In Calexico, California, the griddle of Las Palmas Mexican Grill served up a fresh incarnation of the Virgin Mary when a cook saw a grease burned image in her likeness and started crying.  A pastor at a nearby church has not confirmed whether this is a true sighting, but added "If God wants to do something like this, he can do it," significantly lowering the miracle bar for an omnipotent, all-knowing god.  More from the Los Angeles Times here.

 

A Catholic Hospital removed a window this week on which the Virgin Mary made another appearance after the incarnation caused bad traffic, presumably prohibiting ambulances from performing their work.  The Springfield, Massachusetts hospital has put the window in secret storage until experts can determine whether it is worthy of veneration.  Engineers say the image appeared when a rubber seal failed allowing mineral deposits between the window's panes. More here.

 

Cheesus, the cheeto-incarnation of our holy savior, has appeared once again making Houston's Sara Bell's cheesy discovery the third Cheeto-Christ sighting in a year.  Two of the Cheesus sightings have occurred in Texas, another occurred in Missouri.  More here.